till one day
one of 'em gets restless and decides to leave.
whether it's the man or woman who left is unimportant;
it's a breakup."
Send In The Clowns - Frank Sinatra
there are songs into which i always listen with a mindful heart, all over again. this song is one of them, the one that has calmed me throughout summer nights of insomnia and worries. there is no particular "you" here. no imaginary reference either.
but, as sinatra said it, why are there some of the ex-couples who try their best to demonstrate who dumped whom in a relationship. in the end, isn't it still "a break-up", an ending to a love affair? why are there some people who "silently" involve in the "competition" of who's over whom first? and does the winning really make them feel better upon the other? i think it's all about narcissism. nobody wants to be a loser, although there is nothing shameful about having your love unrequited. nobody wants to think that they have some problem, although love is not driven by personal wrongfulness. nobody wants to admit that they are suffering more than the other, although love can never be measured and compared.
am i fantasizing too much about love? but i believe in true love shared and built together equally by two people. that so-called "true love" - it might not end up a "happy ending", but i have the constant faith that its meaning and reflection carries on for the rest of our lives. because it's the "contents" that we would keep deepened in mind. in my case, my past experiences have helped me a lot in maintaining the serious, committed relationship with my boyfriend after 2 year. oh, yeah, i had several affairs and never feel hesitate to tell him about them. i just don't want to talk about the break-up, especially about who initiated that. because, after all, i used to devote all of my heart to these affairs, and as a narcissist, i certainly don't want to deny myself, even in that very past.
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1 comments:
Thanks for sharing something this personal.
N.K
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